Eight Five Will be Eight Five

Caution: This post contains April Fool’s satire.  We hope you enjoy. But it’s really all a joke.

Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Ocho Cinco, nee Chad Johnson, will soon be known as Chad Acht Funf.

Ocho Cinco recently filed papers in Hamilton County Probate Court to legally change his name again. The move came after he was arrested in Middletown on suspicion of being an illegal immigrant.

Ocho Cinco, who was born in Miami, Fla., is African-American. Butler County Sheriff Richard O. Jones, whose vigilant anti-immigrant policies have attracted national attention, defended the arrest of the football star.

“A lot of the Mexicans in Cuba are black,” he said. “In Brazil, too. A lot of their Mexicans are black. So that shows we’re not discriminating. It doesn’t matter to me what country they come from. They’re still Mexicans, not Americans. If he just had a regular American name, this wouldn’t have happened in the first place.”

Butler County turned Ocho Cinco over to U.S. immigration and Customs Enforcement (I.C.E.), which released him after 24 hours. An I.C.E. spokesmen said the agency found that Ocho Cinco has some foreign ancestry but is a U.S. citizen.

Ocho Cinco means “eight five” in Spanish, a botched translation of his jersey number, 85. Following his arrest, Ocho Cinco released a statement saying he now wants to be known as Chad Acht Funf.

“Cincinnati is a German city, so I’m going with that,” he said. “I love that chicken dance they do at Oktoberfest every year.”

Acht Funf means “eight five” in German, a botched translation of his jersey number, 85.

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